Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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