I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
