...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
