Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I licked your asshole in confidence.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
