I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
