and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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