No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
