I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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