i wish there were pregnant emoticons
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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