At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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