My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
