Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
