Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
farters have to be the big spoon...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
