My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
