question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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