I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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