I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
