I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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