omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
