I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
