just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
