wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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