I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I want to make a zoo with you.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
