How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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