my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
