the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
