i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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