Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
it's great music for shaving your balls
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
