Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
