Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
