i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
