When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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