We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
