My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
