Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
