I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
