There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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