Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
