Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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