The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize