had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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