And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize