I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we're making bets on your personal life
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
