Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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