I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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