Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
