dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
