Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
