The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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