Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
worst night to have a conscience
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
