It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
