Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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