We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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