i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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