my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
