So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize