i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize