so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
