yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
