at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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