that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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