even my farts smell like vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
