I can text with my tongue
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
