Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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