just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
