im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
