i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
